Neither shaken nor stirred.
Slightly disturbed and incredibly amused though…
I came across an article entitled, ‘Revealed: Hundreds of words to avoid using online if you don’t want the government spying on you’, and needless to say, I didn’t have to be Curious George to read on.
According to the UK Daily Mail article, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) intends to look for evidence of genuine threats to the U.S. through monitoring social networking websites and online media.
And given the list of words that indicate ‘genuine threats’, one could only surmise the DHS commissioned the consultants of the world-renowned and reputable firm…
‘Larry, Curly and Moe’.
For instance, under Weather/Disaster/Emergency threats, ‘closure’ would give reason for being monitored online…
The logical assumption then being, those chatting about looking for ‘closure’ after being dumped…
And for you effervescent Real Housewives of (fill in the city), who Tweet about drinking Avian water because it comes directly from the Swiss Elfs, boy have you just unleashed on yourselves a Panda’s Box, since ‘Avian’ is on the list too.
Any Looney Toons fans amongst us? Good. YouTube the bejeezus outta Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Search the channel for Porky Pig, and you’re roast- as ‘pork’ is apparently a threat.
Avid athletes, stick to yoga. Google ‘exercise’ and you may end up in boot camp- but it ain’t the kind Jillian Michaels runs.
Oh, and Sting fans… preferable to now refer to his former band as ‘Sting and the Stingettes’. You can’t bring up the ‘P’ word anymore.
I’d warn anyone to avoid Levis Dockers, since ‘dock’ is taboo- but not sure if the suffix makes it passable… nevertheless, at minimal on a fashion level, I’d still warn anyone to avoid Dockers…
Residents of San Diego, either move or stop talking about your city. ‘San Diego’ is included too.
As is ‘human to animal’- however, in any context, if you can fit that into a sentence, I’m behind the DHS monitoring you.
To be fair, the article is 6 months old, so I am not sure what has been amended or addressed since then- however, the inanity of the original thinking and first draft, if that indeed is what this is, makes for great late night fodder.
Below is the address of the article, so you can go through it and have a good chuckle. Coming to think of it, I wonder how much I’ll be chuckling after this is published, given I’ve mentioned at least 10 words on the list.
On the downside, this blog probably set off multiple DHS alarms.
On the upside, if the DHS is in deed watching, the hits on this blog should sore…