Dear 14 Year Old Me, I Won’t Tell You…

Dear Me-at-Fourteen,

I won’t tell you that what you really want to do is kill the guilt you carry, not yourself. I won’t tell you the standards you think you fail to live up to, in truth, fail to live up to you.

I won’t tell you, if you knew who you were going to be, you’d get that.

I won’t tell you not to be frightened that you won’t be loved, nor that you should relax because it will all be okay. I won’t tell you that what people think of you doesn’t matter, or that the reality is, how you think of yourself is inevitably how people think of you.

I won’t tell you, you’re better than good enough, you’re not ugly, that you are incredibly determined and can do anything you put your mind to.

I won’t tell you that as much as you are your worst enemy, you are your greatest ally.

I won’t tell you to let go of everything, as that is when it all comes to you. I won’t tell you that ‘want’ is heroin- addictive, escapism and lethal to your soul.

That with getting what you ‘want’, it usually turns out to bring with it the most unwanted results.

I won’t tell you that once you accept the mind is the biggest false thought you’ve created that nothing, abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING, owns you or scares you- because fear isn’t real, it is a sub-fictional byproduct of that monstrous creation, the mind.

I won’t tell you that when you feed off of love, not fear, you will seek to understand things and people, rather than judge them; you will see that ugly isn’t anything but the strangest and rarest of beauty; you will see that the duality of ‘good/bad’, ‘worthy/unworthy’, success/failure and the likes don’t exist. That just like the dark is the absence of light, evil is the absence of good- the truth isn’t divided, it is eclipsed by the absence of the truthful.

I won’t tell you that you are angry because you believe in God too much, but believe too little in yourself. I won’t tell you faith is one part of the total equation- as much as your overall destiny may be powered by a Universal Energy, the path you choose to walk down is totally a choice of free will.

I won’t tell you that you are not supposed to follow the path that ‘normal’ people do, I won’t tell you that normal isn’t anything more than what we’re used to, a habit at best.

I won’t tell you that you will never stop making mistakes, and that those mistakes are what wake you up from deviating from your path. I won’t tell you that the reason you haven’t found your ‘other half’ is because you are a whole person already and whoever you do find needs to be more in love with life than with you.

Because that is the secret to staying together. To love life more than you love one another. You’ll never stop having things to share or experiences that bring you together.

And the only reason I am not going to tell you any of these things, is because if I did, you would not struggle and go through all you must go through in order to arrive to where you are today.

Don’t change.
Fuck it up.
Shit all over what’s in front of you now.
Self-destruct.

I promise you, it’s not indicative of the doom of your destiny. It is the process chiseling your marble soul. It has to hurt.

But when you stand back, and see the sculpture, just you wait. You’ll be proud of what you’ve shaped and found underneath all that unnecessary excess marble.

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2 thoughts on “Dear 14 Year Old Me, I Won’t Tell You…

  1. Scintillatebrightly

    I’ve seen a bunch of these dear 14 year old me posts in my reader lately. This is the only one I stopped by to read.
    I’m glad I did. Cuz you’re right. DON’T tell yourself any of these things. Pain is good and from pain comes learning. If we didn’t make the mistakes where would we be? So glad you wrote this in this way 🙂

    Reply

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