Tag Archives: iPad

I will not blog mean things and spam

I am not Sam
I am not Sam

I do not like
blogging mean things and spam!

Do you like
mean things and spam?

I do not like them,
Sam-I-not-am.
I do not like
mean things and spam.

Would you like them
in emails and on Twitter?

I would not like them
on facebook or in pictures on Flickr.

I do not like
mean things and spam.

I will not blog them,
Sam-I-not-am.

Would you like them
on your wall?

Would you like them
on any site at all?

I do not like them
on my wall.
I do not like them
on any site at all.
I do not like them
in emails and on Twitter.
I do not like them
in pictures on Flickr.
I do not like mean things and spam.
I will not blog them, Sam-I-not-am.

Would you let them in an inbox?
Would you let them flood your Firefox?

Not in an inbox
Not on my Firefox.
Not on my wall.
Not on any site at all.
I would not let them in an inbox.
I would not let them flood my Firefox.
I will not blog mean things and spam.
I do not like them, Sam-I-not-am.

Would you? Could you?
On your iPad?

I would not,
could not,
on my iPad.

You may like mean things and spam.
You will see.
You may like them
in a forward CC-ed!

I would not, could not in a CC.
Not on my iPad! You let me be!

A Blackberry! A Blackberry!
Could you, would you,
on a Blackberry?

Not on email. Not on Twitter.
Not on facebook. Not in pictures on Flickr.
I do not like them, Sam-not, you see.
Not on my wall. Not on any site at all.
Not in an inbox. Not on my Firefox.
Not on my iPad. Not on a Blackberry.
I will not let them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

I will not blog mean things and spam.
I will not blog them,
Sam-I-not-am!

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If the Last Supper Happened Circa Internet…

Having been reported and blocked from his facebook/Twitter/Pinterest accounts, the Admins of Jerusalem decided it was time to hack Jesus once and for all.

Jesus had tweeted his Apostles of the impending danger and then created a closed fb event, inviting them to one Last Supper.

Shortly after, John and Peter What’s App-ed Jesus, as they didn’t know how to get to the dinner. Jesus advised them to seek council on Google Maps.

That Thursday evening, Jesus and the Apostles met for the Supper. Jesus noticed that Judas was very quiet, fiddling around with his iPad, playing The Cityville on a Hill.

Obviously, Judas was hiding something… and Jesus suspected he had given all the passwords of his accounts to the Admins of Jerusalem.

Standing among them at the table while typing away on his Blackberry, Jesus said, “truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me to My enemies”. Immediately, Judas’s BBM tone went off.

His eyes widened as he read Jesus’s BBM which contained nothing but…

😦

The supper went on as they quietly ate, interrupted solely by John’s ‘Father was a Rolling Stone’ message tone and Peter’s ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s my Savior’ ringtone.

At the end of the supper, Jesus accessed his facebook from his Blackberry and wrote in his Status, “I give to you a new commandment, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another”. He tagged all the Apostles.

And it received many ‘Likes’.

The next morning he was hacked. The social media outlets became flooded with comments and E! Online dedicated a whole section to the news.

Then, on Sunday morning, people woke up, logging on to find Jesus’s accounts were reactivated! Miraculously, Jesus was able to reopen his original accounts, having outwitted the hackers.

It was at this time he also created his blog, ‘Scriptures’…

And in order to ensure its existence for generations to come, he installed Norton, so the Admins of Jerusalem, nor even the Roman Trojan horse virus could ever hack his work again…

iCan’t Take it Anymore

I’m willing to overlook everyone being convinced Apple’s the best thing since sliced bread, and that it’s SO MUCH better than a PC, though the first thing anyone does when they buy a Mac is download all Window applications.

I’m willing to overlook that I might as well buy a Samsung, at half the price (be it a tablet or phone), since they have been manufacturing Apple components.

I’m willing to overlook that Apple twists innovation into profit schemes to corner you into only buying Apple accessories at astronomically ridiculous prices since other generic brands aren’t compatible. So, the (air quotes)genius(air quotes) of the (big ass sarcastic air quotes)magnetic charger(big ass sarcastic air quotes followed by a HA!) isn’t that it’s magnetic, but that no other charger is, so Apple can jack up the price simply because you have no other choice.

But the ONE thing I CANNOT overlook, from the iPod to the iPhone, is the grammatical blasphemy and stupendous arrogance of the small “i”.

All through history, the greatest of our writers, the icons, the men and women who have brought us Hamlet, Pride and Prejudice, Notes from the Underground, have stayed true to grammatical tradition of capitalizing the first person pronoun, putting their creativity to use in the content, the story, the idea.

So, what- just because Apple essentially reinvented the concept of the Walkman (originally invented by Sony, who as Japanese wouldn’t dare to break tradition, capitalizing the ‘W), that made them believe that they could also reinvent grammar?

If there was a purpose in doing so, or a clever meaning attached to the small “i”, it would be ingenious and inventive. But, if the purpose is just to be ‘cool’, then Apple really is no different than my friend’s 15 year old son who wears his shirt inside out.

If the purpose was to be more legible in pronouncing it as EYE-pod rather than EE-pod, well, here’s a 4-1-1 or rather the 4-i-i for the marketeers at Apple: the same phonetic objective can be achieved by what is known as a hyphen. Otherwise, we all might as well drop the concept of a hyphen and simply write words like T-shirt as tShirt.

I’m all for breaking with convention, but when there’s a brilliance behind breaking it, when there’s message to convey in breaking it.

But, if the small “i” is what Apple means when they say ‘Think Different’, they might as well just have us all ditch Webster and start marketing the iCtionary.