Tag Archives: Mobile

If the Last Supper Happened Circa Internet…

Having been reported and blocked from his facebook/Twitter/Pinterest accounts, the Admins of Jerusalem decided it was time to hack Jesus once and for all.

Jesus had tweeted his Apostles of the impending danger and then created a closed fb event, inviting them to one Last Supper.

Shortly after, John and Peter What’s App-ed Jesus, as they didn’t know how to get to the dinner. Jesus advised them to seek council on Google Maps.

That Thursday evening, Jesus and the Apostles met for the Supper. Jesus noticed that Judas was very quiet, fiddling around with his iPad, playing The Cityville on a Hill.

Obviously, Judas was hiding something… and Jesus suspected he had given all the passwords of his accounts to the Admins of Jerusalem.

Standing among them at the table while typing away on his Blackberry, Jesus said, “truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me to My enemies”. Immediately, Judas’s BBM tone went off.

His eyes widened as he read Jesus’s BBM which contained nothing but…

😦

The supper went on as they quietly ate, interrupted solely by John’s ‘Father was a Rolling Stone’ message tone and Peter’s ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s my Savior’ ringtone.

At the end of the supper, Jesus accessed his facebook from his Blackberry and wrote in his Status, “I give to you a new commandment, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another”. He tagged all the Apostles.

And it received many ‘Likes’.

The next morning he was hacked. The social media outlets became flooded with comments and E! Online dedicated a whole section to the news.

Then, on Sunday morning, people woke up, logging on to find Jesus’s accounts were reactivated! Miraculously, Jesus was able to reopen his original accounts, having outwitted the hackers.

It was at this time he also created his blog, ‘Scriptures’…

And in order to ensure its existence for generations to come, he installed Norton, so the Admins of Jerusalem, nor even the Roman Trojan horse virus could ever hack his work again…

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If the Divinyls Sang it Again, it Would Be ‘I Touch My Cell’…

We want to stop… but we can’t stop touching… and what’s worse, it’s so blatantly public now… we touch in public as if it’s the most natural thing in the world… we will stop a conversation, interrupt an important meeting because we want to touch it. On a good day, we only give in once… ah, who are we kidding… we give in 3 or 4 times… and we know it’s bad… it only feels good at the moment we do it, but after we feel ashamed for being unable to control ourselves…. well, there’s only one way to get a grip…

Just stop touching your phones, people!

First of all, it’s a dirty habit- literally. Look at your touchscreen phone after 15 minutes. It reminds you that no matter how much you wash your hands, your dermis obviously produces as much oil as a Canola factory.

Second, with the built-in ‘ringing’ feature, you don’t have to look to see if you’ve gotten a call. The advanced ‘message tone’ feature should also indicate without having to check visually, that you have received a message. Nonetheless, the very sophisticated ‘lights up’ option in both cases serves as secondary signal that you indeed did get a call or a message.

Third, did you ever call the post office incessantly or drive there every 5 minutes to check if you’ve received mail? Well, why keeping checking your Google or Yahoo accounts then? Suddenly because the mail is electronic, it’s better mail? More interesting mail?

Fourth, when you go out with a friend to have dinner, may you at least tell that friend to bring along someone to actually eat with so they can engage in live conversation while your hand is glued to your ear? Could you at least bring along your iPad, so that while you’re on the phone, they can watch a movie?

Fifth, if you need to put your phone on vibrate mode, then you sadly haven’t experienced nor appreciated for that matter the original intention of electronics that vibrate. If you are so desperately afraid to miss a call that you need the phone to gyrate your pocket, at least have your pocket sewn in 5 inches towards the center of your inseams so the phone call can bring you true, elated happiness.

It’s a phone. You had one in your home. Just because you can now carry it around with doesn’t mean its function is really that different than before.

Otherwise, we should really start to worry what will happen with you mobiphiles when they make showers portable too.